Wedding Party Roles

Role of the Matron of Honor

The maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected:

· Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure all bridesmaids get their dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.
· Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).
· Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake.
· Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.
· Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.
· Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.
· Host or cohost a shower for the bride.
· Attend all prewedding parties.
· Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).
· Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.
· See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.
· Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets.
· Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb.
· Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception.
· Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.
· Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man.
· Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead).
· Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.
· Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.
· Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.
· Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.
· Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.)
· Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.
· Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.

Role of Bridemaids

The bridesmaid is an integral part of any wedding, on hand to comfort, console, multitask, and party hearty at all bridal event(s). Whether it's your first bridesmaid gig or your 50th, here's a cheat sheet of your to-dos.

· Offer to help with prewedding tasks. Try to be specific when you volunteer. For example, say, "Would you like me to help you shop for bridesmaid dresses/stuff invitations/pack for the honeymoon?" instead of just, "What can I do?"
· Scout out bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewelry, and other accessories. Pay for the entire ensemble. (Break in your shoes before the wedding day -- that will minimize slipping, blisters, and aching tootsies.)
· Help to plan, cohost, and pay for the shower and bachelorette party with other bridesmaids.
· If the maid/matron of honor isn't already handling this task, keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (so that the bride/couple can write thank-you notes); maintain RSVP lists.
· Attend the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. (Keep abreast of all prewedding parties, and go to as many as possible.)
· Run last-minute errands. On the day of the wedding, be on hand to confirm flower delivery times, meet and greet the ceremony officiant, or satisfy junk food cravings.
· Stand in the receiving line at the bride's request.
· Serve as auxiliary hostess at the reception by introducing guests, making sure they know where the bar is located, and inviting them to sign the guest book.
· Hit the dance floor when the music kicks in. Dance with groomsmen during the formal first-dance sequence. Also, be on the lookout for toe-tapping guests who might need encouragement and/or a dance partner.
· Give the maid/matron of honor a break by helping to carry the bride's train whenever necessary. Bustle the train before dancing begins, and be ready to help fix it if it comes unhooked. Accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked.
· Purchase a wedding present perhaps with one or several of the other bridesmaids. This provides more buying power, and two heads are better than one when it comes to gift ideas. Sometimes the entire bridesmaid troupe pitches in for one knock-her-socks-off wedding gift.
· Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress -- even if the color is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful.
· Provide plenty of emotional support during the planning and on the wedding day.

Role of Best Man

As best man, you may think you're just a glorified groomsman, but guess what? You actually have special responsibilities -- you'll be a combination valet and hand-holder as you help the groom come through this nerve-racking experience with flying colors. As leader of the groom's posse, you'll:

· Serve as the groom's personal aide and adviser before and during the wedding. This can include helping him pack for the honeymoon (the valet part).
· Help the groom choose and rent (or buy) wedding formalwear, and coordinate the other groomsmen's rentals. You guys are supposed to match, after all! You may be expected to arrange accommodations for out-of-town groomsmen.
· Organize the bachelor party. Don't be shy about enlisting other groomsmen to help you out -- most guys don't mind this duty! Put financial worries out of your mind -- the cost should be split among everyone who attends the bash.
· Attend the rehearsal with the bride and groom and all the other attendants. This is your chance to figure out how you're supposed to walk down that aisle.
· Stand beside the groom at the altar and keep the bride's ring until vows are exchanged. Find a safe place for the ring (and triple check that your pockets don't have holes) -- you don't want to fumble around when it's time to whip it out.
· Corral the other groomsmen and make sure they're performing their duties.
· Sign the marriage license as a witness after the ceremony, along with the maid of honor.
· Give the officiant a sealed envelope with his or her fee (the groom's responsibility) just after the ceremony.
· You may be announced with the maid of honor when the reception begins.
· Dance with both the honor attendant and the bride during the wedding party dances.
· Give the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception. This is your biggest -- and probably most frightening -- duty. Read our article about toasting, and remember the cardinal rule: Mum's the word on the bachelor bacchanalia.
· Collect any gift envelopes guests bring to the reception. You may be asked to deposit them in the couple's bank account or at least to keep them until the couple returns from their honeymoon.
· Decorate the getaway mobile. Grab the other groomsmen and the bridesmaids for this one.
· Drive the couple to the wedding-night hotel or airport after the reception. If you perform this service, you'll need to stay sober throughout the reception. If you have a feeling this may not be possible, hire a limo to drive the couple into the sunset.
· The wedding will be over in the blink of an eye, so remember to enjoy yourself at the reception. After all, you're there to celebrate the happiest day of your best friend's life.

Role of Groomsmen

The groom's close friends and relatives, the groomsmen, support him throughout the wedding planning process. Take your role as groomsman seriously -- after all, you're helping one of your best friends through what can be a very nerve-racking day. Plus, if you act like the levelheaded, responsible guy you are, you'll impress those single bridesmaids. Read on for a rundown of your duties.

· Like the bridesmaids, you'll have to pay for your wedding gear. Luckily, you can usually rent a tux for quite a bit less than what the bridesmaid dresses will cost. Be sure to get fitted at the specified store with time to spare -- you don't want to walk down the aisle in floods! As a groomsman, be prepared to serve as information central for those who aren't in the know.
· Attending all prewedding festivities (engagement party, couple shower, bachelor party, rehearsal dinner). Perks: Free vittles and drinks.
· Helping the best man plan the groom's bachelor party. Perks: Good food, drinks, and perhaps some insights into female anatomy.
· You'll conspire with the best man -- and the bridesmaids -- to decorate the honeymoon getaway car in style.
· Before the ceremony, you may be asked to usher guests to their seats. At traditional Christian ceremonies, guests of the bride's family sit on the left, and guests of the groom's family sit on the right. At Jewish ceremonies, it's the opposite. When a couple arrives, take the woman's arm and escort her to her seat; her escort will follow you. Always seat the oldest woman first if several guests arrive together. You should arrive at the ceremony site at least 45 minutes early to review special seating requirements.
· Be prepared to serve as information central and direct guests to restroom facilities and the reception site.
· Purchase a wedding present, perhaps with one of the other groomsmen. You'll have more buying power, and two heads are often better than one when it comes to gift ideas. Sometimes the entire groomsmen gang pitches in for one knock-them-off-their-feet wedding gift.
· At the reception, you may be introduced with the bridesmaid you escorted during the recessional. You may also be asked to dance with bridesmaids or single female guests during the evening. Wow, how easy is this?

Role of Mother of the Bride

Here are 15 helpful responsibilities moms can handle with ease.

· Help bride and groom scout out wedding and reception sites and ask friends/family for vendor recommendations.
· Serve as the main contact for wedding pros (especially if the wedding is taking place in your town and the bride lives elsewhere).
· Help bride choose her wedding dress, trousseau, and wedding-night peignoir.
· Compile and submit names and addresses of your family and friends to be included on the master guest list.
· Talk to the groom's family about whom they want to include on the guest list and manage the difficult task of limiting the number of guests, if necessary.
· Help research family or ethnic traditions and heirlooms to incorporate into the ceremony or reception.
· Determine what the bride wants you to wear on the big day and find a gorgeous dress. Then, consult with the groom's mom on what you two will be wearing. You'll both feel more comfortable if your elegance is in sync.
· Start looking for the perfect dress.
· Attend (and possibly help organize) the shower and the rehearsal dinner.
· Escort the bride down the aisle if the bride's father isn't planning on it. (In a Jewish wedding both parents accompany the bride.)
· In a Christian wedding, be seated in the first pew directly before the ceremony and leave the chapel first afterward.
· Stand in the receiving line to greet guests; traditionally, as reception hostess, the mother of the bride heads up the line.
· Sit at the parents' table (if there is one).
· Dance with the father of the bride (or other escort) and the groom during the formal first-dance sequence.
· Remind the bride often how special she is and that she'll be the most beautiful bride in history.
· Let the bride cry on your shoulder anytime, day or night (you know, be a mom)

Role of Mother of the Groom

Traditionally, the bride's mother has absorbed most of the pre-wedding responsibilities, while the groom's family assumed more of a back seat. Nowadays, both moms take on a significant role in the planning process, especially if the two families are sharing the financial burden. No matter what the case, here's what's expected of the mother of the groom.

· When the engagement is announced, call the bride's parents as soon as possible. Express your happiness and invite them over for cocktails or out to dinner.
· Host a dinner to introduce the bride to the groom's side of the family.
· Obtain information on where the couple is registered and spread the word to your side of the family.
· Be aware of expenses typically covered by the groom's family and offer financial assistance, if appropriate, to the groom.
· Offer to help scout out wedding and reception sites and ask friends for recommendations for caterers, florists, and vendors.
· Offer to serve as the main contact for wedding professionals -- especially if the wedding is taking place in your town and the groom no longer lives there.
· Draw up the guest list for the groom's family after asking the couple how many guests you are able to invite.
· Help the groom choose family or ethnic traditions to incorporate into the ceremony or reception.
· Attend bridal shower and buy a gift.
· Obtain information on where the couple is registered and spread the word to your side of the family.
· Consult the bride's mom on her wedding-day outfit. Shop for your own about 4-6 months before the wedding.
· Keep track of your RSVPs and offer to make calls to obtain last-minute responses for anyone on your side of the list (3-4 weeks before the wedding).
· Traditionally, plan and host the rehearsal dinner with the groom's dad (plan 6 months before the wedding; host the day before).
· Stand in the receiving line after the bride and groom (along with the groom's father).
· Sit at the parents' table (if there is one).
· Dance with the groom during the mother/son dance -- click here for great song ideas.